Mommy’s ego got clawed by a bear today

image

Dear kyna,
Let me tell you a story about managing expectations.

Today i failed an interview for a role in a project. It hits me hard on my ego.

My parents raised me to become a role model for my brothers.  I had to be successful,  had to align to certain stereotypes that are bestowed upon me as the first-born.  It was difficult,  sure i rebelled and had a few fall-outs but at the end of the day i have always worked towards achieving something in my life.

Be it top 5 of the class,  admitted into respectable high school, getting accepted into the best university,  graduated early with cum laude, working in a very reputable company and so on.

I’ve been carrying a very high standard for myself.  In work, i don’t settle for “consistent ” – that’s a sign of a so so performance in my company ; means you don’t work your ass off, you don’t stand out from the crowd,  people don’t know who you are.

Likewise,  my clients commanded me for my good job, i always passed my interview for project’s roles (well.. With a few note about my driving attitude – we’ll talk about it in other letter). The point is, I’m a high performer and i have a very high expectations for myself.

Coming back to the opening,  i failed an interview today. The client was looking for a specific requirement and i wasn’t the perfect fit. I was upset – it hits me hard in my ego! This is not normal for me and i had to time stamp it.

Please bear in mind,  given the nature of my upbringing,  i too will have a high set of expectations for you. I love you and i want you to be successful in life. For that to happen,  i might be required to push you to the limit, to force you do things you don’t like for your own sake, i want you to have a high performing mentality, be it at playground,  kindergarten,  school,  university,  and work.

I want you to be competitive and constantly ask yourself, “is this the best way to do it”. I want you to uphold these values that i hold dear.

However,  i don’t want you to inherit my cockiness, my inability to accept defeat, and my grandiose ego.

I want you to be able to face rejection or defeat in a graceful way. I don’t know how to teach you this yet,  because I’m still learning myself. But i promise we’ll work it out before you enter kindergarten heheh..

I’m still pissed though – let me vent my anger elsewhere hahah..

Love,
Mommy